Sound of a Whistle
by ColdFusion180
Summary: The Acolytes learn a few things and find a new way to annoy Sabertooth.


**Sound of a Whistle**

"Mornin," Remy yawned as he entered the kitchen of the Acolyte base. Piotr sat at the counter reading a medium sized book while Pyro was busy digging through a cupboard.

"Good morning," Piotr replied. "The coffee machine just finished a few minutes ago."

"Thanks _mon amis_," Remy poured himself a mug of hot coffee and sat down next to Piotr.

"I can't understand how you can drink that stuff mate," Pyro shook his head as he set a bowl and spoon on the counter and went into the pantry.

"Well it does take some getting used to," Remy admitted as he took a sip.

"It's a bloody stimulant, that's what it is. A yucky, fowl tasting stimulant. It'll mess up your internal organs, make you an addict and affect your behavior for the worse," Pyro said as he emerged from the pantry with a cereal box. "You'll never catch me drinking something that'll end up turning you into some sort of out-of-control lunatic, no sirree!"

"Okay," Remy rolled his eyes. "What'cha eating?"

"Honey Twizzled Sugar Crystals with marshmallows and chocolate milk," Pyro said as he poured himself a large bowl.

"What?!" Piotr gasped. "I thought we got rid of all that after the macaroni and weed whacker disaster!"

"I always keep around a few boxes for emergencies," Pyro grinned as he dug into his cereal. "Especially since we're not allowed outside the base all that often."

"Oh great," Remy groaned. "You'll be hyperactive all day. What is in that stuff?" He grabbed the box and looked at the side label. "Man, look at this! 300 percent of the body's daily sugar allowance **per serving**! How in the world was this stuff even allowed to be marketed?'

"Oh, I think it was a tactic by some medical company in order to increase aspirin sales among parents with young kids," Pyro explained as he munched. "They were able to use their influence to get the stuff passed by the Department of Agriculture."

"Well that's pretty clever, I gotta admit," Remy blinked as he set the box back down.

"Yeah, not only is the cereal good but the box tops are nice too," Pyro said.

"Box tops?" Piotr frowned. "What is so good about box tops?"

"Why I'm surprised at you mate," Pyro turned toward Piotr. "Box tops are valuable collector's items. Plus they're critical to every nation's economy. You know how companies are always giving away stuff if you send in a certain number of box tops? They need them to prevent from going bankrupt. Box tops are a monetary exchange more important than gold, silver and baseball cards put together! And the worse thing is when bloody galahs go and make **counterfeit** box tops and flood the market with 'em. It decreases the value of the real box tops and is part of a huge conspiracy to get rid of box tops all together! Without box tops the whole world's economy would crash and we'd all be left without breakfast cereal. If it wasn't for box tops we'd be reduced to eating pencil shavings and woodchips!"

"Wow, I did not know that," Piotr blinked.

"And knowing is one way to kill brain cells," Remy groaned taking another sip of coffee.

"Speaking of killing, can you tell us what ya did with Sabertooth's alcohol stash now?" Pyro asked.

"Sshhhhh!" Remy shushed and looked around nervously. "Okay, since I think both Mags and Sabes are still asleep."

"So what did you do with it all?" Piotr asked leaning forward.

"I put in the toilet of Mag's private bathroom," Remy whispered.

"What?" Piotr blinked.

"It was easy," Remy explained. "First, I pumped out all the water. Then I poured all of Sabertooth's special brew into the bowl since it's clear and doesn't have much of a scent. The beer and scotch went into the tank."

"Oh man! Sabes would be steamed if he learned you did that," Pyro chuckled.

"I'm not finished," Remy said. "I also rigged up a simple ignition system inside the tank, so that when Mag's flushed the toliet, BOOM!"

"What?!" Pyro laughed. "That's great!"

"It does explain that strange explosion we heard and Magneto shouting about being stuck in the ceiling," Piotr noted. "And why he chose not to leave his room for two days."

"Yeah. Wonder if he had his helmet on?" Pyro snickered.

"That's not the best part," Remy managed to stifle his laughter. "I hid a spy camera in there beforehand and got the whole thing on tape!"

"Really," Piotr chuckled. "I would like to see that. The relevant part, I mean."

"Well, whaddya blokes want to do today? Maybe we can finally finish…OW!" Pyro yelped.

"What is it?" Piotr asked. "What happened?"

"I bit on something hard!" Pyro winced as he spat a small plastic object onto the counter.

"Yuck, was is that?" Piotr shuddered.

"Whatever it is it tasted awfull," Pyro picked up the object and went over to the sink to rinse it off. "Hey, it's a whistle!"

"A whistle?" Remy repeated.

"Yeah, must be a prize," Pyro said as he brought it to his lips and blew on it. "Huh, nothing happened."

"Maybe it was damaged when you bit on it," Piotr suggested.

"No, it looks alright," Pyro inspected the whistle and tried blowing it again hard, but no sound came from it. "What a rip off! They give ya a whistle that doesn't even work!"

Remy grabbed the cereal box again and scanned over it. "Hey, says here it's a dog whistle. That means it's beyond the range of human hearing."

"What? Well what's the point in that?" Pyro said slumping back into his seat. "We don't even have a dog. What's the point in having this around?"

Just then Sabertooth staggered into the kitchen with his hair sticking out in all directions, eyes bloodshot and looking slightly rattled.

"Wow, you look better than you usually do in the morning," Piotr said.

"Shut up," Sabertooth snarled as he made his way to the coffee machine. "Heard some weird noises on the way here. Really high pitched."

"Oh really," Remy came to a quick realization and nabbed the whistle from Pyro's hand.

"Hey, what's the big…" Pyro started to protest but was cut short by Remy motioning for silence. Remy watched as Sabertooth turned away and poured himself a full mug of boiling hot coffee and started to take a sip. Then Remy blew the whistle.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sabertooth jumped in shock and spilled coffee all over himself. "YEEEOOOWWWW! HOT! HOT! HOT!" he yelled out in pain.

"Hey, what happened?" Remy asked innocently as he, Piotr and Pyro tried to control their laughter.

"That noise again," Sabertooth grumbled as he wiped himself off and poured himself another mug of coffee. Just as he was about to take another sip Remy blew the whistle again.

"AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!" Sabertooth clasped his hands to his ears and in the process splashed coffee into his face, eyes and ear. "GGGGAAAAHHHHHH! YEEEOOOWWW! MY EYES! MY EYES! AAAAAHHHHHH! THE INSIDE OF MY EAR IS ON FIRE!"

The three other Acolytes shook with barely restrained amusement at Sabertooth's plight.

"Ya know, most people prefer to drink coffee instead of washing themselves with it," Pyro snickered.

"It's that darn noise!" Sabertooth shot back while drying himself off with a nearby dish towel.

"Noise? What noise? I didn't hear any noise, did you Piotr?" Remy asked innocently.

"No I did not. Did you hear any noise?" Piotr asked Pyro.

"Nope. Not a thing," Pyro grinned.

"I heard something, I tell you," Sabertooth discarded the towel. He decided to forget about getting any more coffee and instead went and opened the refridgerator.

"Hey, not all of us have enhanced hearing," Remy said as he secretly blew the whistle again.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Sabertooth fell the the ground and clasped his hands over his ears in pain. This caused a gallon of orange juice to fall out of the open fridge and burst all over him, followed by a full carton of eggs. "Aaaarrrggghhhh! What's that bloody noise?!" He sputtered, picked himself up and looked at his teammates. "Something weird is going on this morning and I'm gonna…YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?!""

The three Acolytes were laughing their heads off at Sabertooth's troubles. "Oh man this is hilarious!" Pyro guffawed loudly. "Ya gotta love that little dog whistle!"

"Whistle? **What** whistle?" Sabertooth glared at Pyro dangerously.

"The one Gambit keeps blowing on and…oops!" Pyro looked at Remy apologetically.

"Thanks a lot Pyro," Remy grumbled.

"YOU'RE THE CAUSE OF THIS?! DIE!" Sabertooth leapt at Remy and started chasing him around the room.

"Awww, what's the matter? Can't take a little joke?" Remy drawled as he ran.

"YOU WANNA JOKE?! HOW ABOUT YOU BEING BOILED ALIVE?! I'D FIND THAT HILARIOUS!" Sabertooth roared.

"_All around the kitchen counter, the hairball chased the Cajun!_" Remy sang as he ran. "_The Cajun thought 'twas all in fun!_" He blew the whistle.

"AAAAAHHHHHHH" Sabertooth tripped and slid headfirst into some metal cabinets.

CRASH!

"_Goes the hairball!_" Remy grinned.

"YOU'RE DEAD MEAT CAJUN!" Sabertooth picked himself up. "CALL THE FUNERAL PARLOR CAUSE YOU'RE GONNA NEED A CASKET AND TOMBSTONE WHEN I'M DONE WITH YOU!"

"Gotta catch me first!" Remy taunted as he ran for the door.

Meanwhile, Magneto was just nearing the kitchen and muttering to himself. "What is with all the screams this morning? It's too early for those fools to be causing chaos and arguing amongst themselves so they'd better knock it off or…WHOA!" Magneto barely managed to miss colliding with Remy as he ran out of the kitchen.

WHAM!

"GET BACK HERE YOU LUNATIC!" Sabertooth yelled as he ran after Remy, not even noticing he had rammed into Magneto and knocked him down.

"Hey, come back here with my whistle!" Pyro ran over Magneto's prone form as he chased after his teammates.

"Ohhh," Magneto moaned in a wobbly voice. "Oh, look at the pretty birdies. And stars. Shiny, shiny stars…"

Piotr just sat at the counter and shook his head at the insanity. "And to think what would have happened had they finished their coffee and cereal."

* * *

**Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution or the nursery rhyme "Pop Goes the Weasel".**


End file.
